The Bloody Nutcracker
by books4evah
Summary: A potion gone wrong. A perfect couple. A classic story. And a Christmas never to be forgotten.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: Yeah, very weird… Based off of the REAL Nutcracker, not the Barbie one. And Merry Christmas!

**The Bloody Nutcracker**

It was Christmas, and one Hestia Jones was exceptionally giddy. Christmas was the third year's favorite time of year. It was bright and colorful. The Ravenclaw common room would be decorated in bright baubles, and the tree would be simply divine, with millions of presents underneath. Having Professor Flitwick as head of house certainly had it's benefits.

But, it was now Christmas night, and the Ravenclaws were all having a party. It was always formal. That's just the way it was. Hestia was in her nice purple dress, and watching as the elder students danced together. The younger students, though, were prancing around, in and out of the older students.

House elves scurried around, handing out teddy bears, fifes, and all other sorts of trinkets.

Then, the front door banged open. It was old Xeno Lovegood. He was a seventh year, and very nice to the younger students. Like an older brother.

He pulled a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve, and handed it to his girlfriend, Selene. He then turned to the younger students, who were jumping up and down, ready for the next surprise. He pulled a Barbie doll out of a first year's hands. The first year started bawling. But, Xeno quieted him, and enchanted the doll.

The doll sprung to life, and started dancing around, blowing kisses. Some insane first year grabbed a kiss, and ate it, and began hurling. Barbie doll plastic doesn't sit well in your digestive track. The doll settled down, back into the old doll, which the first year boy immediately hugged to his chest.

Next, Xeno pulled a black pet cat from a fourth year's grip. He waved his wand over it, and the cat also sprang to life. It meowed, and began jumping and prancing all over the place.

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" the owner of the cat yelled at Xeno.

"Sorry," he mumbled, dropping the cat.

"Seriously! Performing the Imperius curse on cats! Animal abuse!" the owner was muttering under her breath.

"Right…. Well here are your gifts!" Xeno exclaimed, edging off afterwards, to where the cat owner could not find him.

Hestia ran to the pile, and found her gift. It was a rectangular box, and Hestia was hoping it was that new set of invisible ink quills she had been hoping for. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

It was a nutcracker.

"A _nutcracker?_ Who gives people a _nutcracker_? Crazy old codger…" Hestia started muttering obscenities about Xeno under her breath.

Candy Chang, who had been sitting next to her, had a wicked looking grin on her face. Hestia shook her head. Candy really had to stop with the gin. Or was it brandy?

Anyway, Candy grabbed the nutcracker, and threw it to the ground. There was a sickening crack, and Hestia saw that the nutcracker was now broken.

"Thanks, Candy! I was just about to do that! I suppose I don't need to anymore…"

"Damn! I was trying to make you suffer!"

Hestia snorted, and made her way back up to her bed to sleep off the nights seldom activities.

It wasn't until midnight that she got out of bed again. She was hungry, and craving some zucchini. Don't ask. Bloody PMSing…

So, she was creeping down to the kitchens (and these weird purple fumes were drifting around, choking her, practically), when she saw a horrible sight. Right in front of the front entrance, just about fifteen Slytherins were ganging up on the head boy, James Potter.

He was a very cute/hot head boy, as Hestia insists the author points out. He was also an honorary 'prince of Gryffindor'.

So, Hestia stood there, shocked, and very still, as the head boy was fending off the Slytherins. There might have been more of the Slytherins, but the sides were about equal in power. But, this could go on forever, so the author told Hestia to throw a shoe at the head Slytherin, Snape.

He was knocked out, cold. Even though it was only a soft and fuzzy slipper. The Slytherins glared at her, and dragged him off. They would have continued, but McGonagall would kill them if she found any possibly dead bodies laying on the ground.

James rushed over to thank Hestia, and after he did so, he asked, "And what were you doing done here at midnight."

"Zucchini cravings."

"Ah… Happens to the best of us."

"And you? What were you doing here?"

"Trying to escape Sirius' oyster high."

Hestia shuddered.

"Hey…" James began. "Why don't you come to the Gryffindor common room? I'm sure that everyone would want to thank you."

Hestia was too lazy to say no, and therefore followed James. They were walking up many flights of stairs, surrounded by snoring portraits, causing Hestia to yawn herself.

As they reached the fifth level corridor, she began to see puny first years dressed in all white, with cardboard snowflakes attached to them, prancing around. Hestia raised an eyebrow. Soon, though, Mary MacDonald, and Evan Wood pranced out. Mary was in a fluffy white tutu, and Evan, in _tights_. They began to twirl around gracefully, and Evan was lifting Mary around on his shoulders and everything.

All Hestia could think about is how sculpted Evan's derriere was. I mean, the tights were from fitting, you know.

Evan handed James a broom, and James mounted it, leaving room for Hestia to mount in front. She did, and they started flying to the common room. Which Hestia was glad about. All that walking was killing her feet.

They soon reached the Fat Lady.

"Password?" she asked in her regal voice, smiling down at Hestia.

"Angels," replied James.

"Correct. And may angels led you in."

Suddenly, a flock of second years dressed in floaty white dresses were turning on their tiptoes, coming over to James and Hestia. The group led in the pair, right until they were in front of the fire.

Hestia looked around. There were three thrones in front of the fire, and the rest of the room was cleared, other than the soft looking benches on the sides, were a variety of people in weird outfits were sitting. Looking up at James' face, this was not what the common room normally looked like.

Then, a bewildered looking Lily Evans was slowly gliding in on tiptoe. She reached Hestia, and looked like she was fighting with herself.

"Damn you for not letting Potter die!" she spat out, but soon, a dreamy expression covered her face, and she softly said, "Thank you for saving James."

James looked very happy at that. Lily led them to the thrones, and they each sat on one; Lily in the middle, James on the left, and Hestia on the right. Next to her, on the benches, were Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. They were stifling laughter with their hands.

Lily turned to Hestia, still in the dreamy expression, but she looked as if on the inside, she was fighting with herself, again. "The Gryffindors are going to express their thanks for you saving James."

Hestia raised her eyebrows. James really was the prince of Gryffindor.

First, Emmeline Vance walked up. She was wearing a beautiful red Spanish style dress. Emmeline began to turn, and swish her skirt, in a flamingo dance. Hestia loved the clacking of Emmeline's heels on the wooden floor. It was rhythmic and wonderful.

After Emmeline, Dorcas Meadows started her dance, accompanied by fifth years. It was a traditional Chinese dance. But, Hestia decided to make better use of the time.

Hestia turned to Remus and whispered, "What's going on?"

Remus looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Like, why is everyone dancing?"

"Oh… Easy. Sirius."

"Yeah," Sirius interrupted. "I was brewing a potion in the corridors-"

"Not a wise move," muttered Hestia.

"Well, he's not a wise guy, right?" Remus asked, grinning.

"Hey! I resent that!" Sirius cried.

"Too bad."

The end of the music signified that Celestina Warbeck and a few other girls were up. They began to dance a slow and graceful ballet. Hestia turned back to the marauders.

"So, why again is everyone dancing?"

"Well, Sirius' potion messed up."

"Accidentally on purpose," Sirius stated proudly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Well, the potion had side effects. It causes the school act out any story of the brewer's choosing."

"I was going to choose High School Musical! But, noooooo Remus chose the Nutcracker! Whatever that is."

"Yes, I did. And remember, it has to be acted out exactly! Do you know what happens at the end of the nutcracker?"

Hestia looked over to where Alice Prewett was now dancing out Marzipan's dance. Her favorite dance, and answered "Of course!"

"Well, Lily is apparently the sugar plum princess, and James is the nutcracker. Think about it."

Hestia grinned, and Remus began to cackle evilly. It was actually scaring her.

"Um, Remus?"

"What?"

"Can you stop with the cackling? It's creepy."

"What? So Sirius does it, and it's perfectly fine, but I do it, and it's creepy?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"How is that fair?"

"It isn't. And, besides, you're supposed to be the smart one."

"Hmph."

"He chose the bloody Nutcracker!" Sirius was still muttering under his breath.

Hestia groaned at the prospect of having to listen to this the whole night. Thankfully, though, something, or one, really, prevented that.

"Bloody hell! Marlene looks _hot_!"

Hestia looked up. Marlene was doing an Arabian dance. She was in a very light gauzy outfit, and bending her body every which way. Apparently, Sirius liked girls who were contortionists.

But, Sirius went back to groaning as Marlene sat down. But, Remus pulled him up. "We're up, Padfoot."

Sirius grinned, and the pair met Peter in the middle of the room. The music began. It was a strange beat, but the one Hestia really recognized from the Nutcracker. The Trepak.

Remus and Peter began doing these odd squat things, where they were kicking out legs, and stuff. Sirius stood in the middle, with one leg down, and the other perpendicular to it. He was bouncing up and down, and spinning in a circle. Hestia gasped with delight. That had always been her favorite part of that dance.

The dance ended, and Hestia grinned. Here was the part she knew Remus (if not Remus and Sirius) had been waiting for.

Lily, against her will, as it seemed, was on toe, slowly stepping to the dance floor. James was also stepping out. James reached for Lily, and spun her about. The two continued dancing for what felt like forever. But, still, it was beautiful.

James ended up holding Lily in a large dip. Against both of their wills, they leaned in to kiss each other.

Sirius finally looked excited.

"It'll only last a second, though," Remus said, assuredly.

But, the kiss lasted longer than that. Lily wrapped her arms around James' neck, and her hands buried themselves in his hair, as they began to stand up straight. James' arms wrapped around Lily's waist, and he cradled her in them, pulling her closer.

It wasn't until it was getting too inappropriate for younger students that their friends pulled them apart, both looking sheepish, but not regretful. James kept an arm around Lily's waist.

"I think I'll go change out of the tutu," muttered Lily.

"Aww! But you look hot in the tutu, Lils!" James whined, grazing her neck with his lips.

"Well, I'm going!" Hestia said hurriedly, plopping off the throne.

As she walked out of the portrait hole, Hestia heard the Gryffindors all shout, "BYE!"

And the distinct yell of Sirius.

"WANT A SOUVENEIR OYSTER, ANYONE? I HAVE THEM DRESSED UP IN MINIATURES OF THE COSTUMES USED IN THE SHOW!!"

Hestia shook her head, and sped up her pace to the kitchen to get her zucchini.

Damn Gryffindors, keeping her away from her zucchini.

Well, if one thing was certain, Hestia was never going to the Gryffindor common room again.

AN: To all of you who like the Nutcracker; I love it too. I was not making fun of it. And about the changes, I felt them necessary. But, anyway, isn't it better than the Barbie version? Well, Merry Christmas! Even if it's a bit early…


End file.
